Lately I feel as if I'm barely staying afloat. I feel like I'm just bobbing along in the middle of God's vast ocean, knowing which direction I need to swim in to reach land but struggling to follow that path because I can't actually see the land. I find myself second guessing everything a lot these days.
We have decided to adopt, we are thinking from Ethiopia, and we are so excited! This has been in my heart since I was a little girl. When I was around 7 or 8 years old I would stay with my Madrina (God-mother) in the summer, she had a sister who volunteered at a children's shelter and would go to Mexico and take gifts to the children. I think that's when I knew that's what I wanted to do with my life; I wanted to help people in need. As I grew older I had decided I didn’t want children of my own because I preferred to adopt.. Obviously that plan didn’t go through as I had hoped it would. Seeing as how I have 3 beautiful balls of never-ending energy! Lol So I figured adoption would just always be out of the question. I mean we have 3 energetic kids so it was hard to imagine adding a few more into the mix! Anyways long story short, I really felt God tugging at my heart and I started to notice the people God was placing in my life either had the same desire as I or had already been through adoptions themselves. So my husband and I talked about it (with each other and our oldest son) and we prayed about it and prayed about it. I mean that's a big decision to make and we didn’t want to make it on a whim.. We didn’t want to just make the decision without consulting God then later realize we made the wrong decision. I mean adoption is a serious thing, it’s a forever thing. It’s bringing someone else’s child into your home and loving them as your own, no discrimination, to prejudice, no bias…. Just pure parental love that, in our opinion can only come from God! It is important to be mentally, emotionally and financially prepared.. But, for us, being spiritually prepared is most important. We have come to realize our life isn't about us at all.. Our lives have to be about glorifying God and his Kingdom.. Not satisfying the desires of our flesh.. But satisfying the desires of our spirit! So after allowing the hand of God to tweak our hearts and mold us into a truly new creation.. Here we stand.. Embarking on a new life, uncharted territory (as far as our family is concerned) We preparing to adopt (hopefully 2 older children-around 5 or 6).. Right now we are getting our finances in order.. We aren't financially wealthy.. But I know God will show us a way to make this adoption happen, not for us, but for the advancement of his Kingdom! I know this is His will for our life!
We have also decided to homeschool our oldest son. This is a decision we've been praying about and preparing for, for a while now. I wasn't sure if I'd be able to teach him, after all I'm not a “certified teacher”.. So we did a "test run", so to speak.. I set out to teach him during the summer to see if he could learn at home with me as his teacher. Let’s just say I was more than skeptical! I had planned to start the week after school let out. But the last 2 weeks of school he didn’t get any homework assignments and he was pretty upset about it. (He enjoys doing schoolwork, that’s just him) So he asked me if I could give him homework.. lol.. So I did! We haven’t worked every day.. we put summer school on hold the week before my husband left, then for 2 weeks after he left my oldest and I were in a funk and didn’t feel up to it cause he missed his Daddy and I missed my husband. But we snapped out of it and got to work! Well here we are in July, we’ve figured out a system that works for us, I give him work to reinforce what he learned in kindergarten and he likes to tell me what he wants to learn about and I set out to gather information and teach him those topics. When he was in school his reading comprehension, phonics and handwriting skills were lacking because his teacher didn’t have a whole lot of time to work with him and by the time he got home he was completely exhausted and wanted to just “zone out”. I have seen an improvement in his handwriting, reading comprehension and phonics skills. He thoroughly enjoys reading now and it’s awesome! Plus, he has learned all the continents, oceans, hemispheres (including the meaning of the prefix hemi-), directions, place value, regrouping math and the names of the different cloud groups. Next week we will be learning the names and how to identify the different clouds in each group then at the end of the lesson we will be conducting a science experiment where we make clouds. We are both pretty excited! We have also been studying the bible and he’s learned the importance of “loving others the way God loves us”, what that means and what that looks like. It’s amazing the thing’s he has learned in such a short amount of time! But he’s not the only one who has learned something new… I’ve learned to keep a lesson plan, to have patience, to be organized, and to rely on God more than ever. He is a bright boy and he learns so quickly! We are all excited about this coming (home)school year! I’m going to join the local home school support group because they meet every Friday to have the kids get together and learn together, they organize group field trips, and are just a great base of information and support! As for our middle son, we are still planning to send him to K-3 with the school district, we feel he will benefit more from a classroom setting.. at least right now at his age.
Needless to say I’ve been praying harder than I ever have before. I know where God wants to take us and I know how He wants to use us.. These days I just have to keep my head above water and remember I'm not alone in this vast ocean, but that God is here guiding me!
20 Now may the God of peace—
who brought up from the dead our Lord Jesus,
the great Shepherd of the sheep,
and ratified an eternal covenant with his blood—
21 may he equip you with all you need
for doing his will.
May he produce in you,
through the power of Jesus Christ,
every good thing that is pleasing to him.
All glory to him forever and ever! Amen.
All glory to him forever and ever! Amen.
*sigh* Sorry this is such a long post.. Normally my husband is my listening ear but he’s overseas right now and we only have a limited time to talk and sometimes the connection just isn’t good so we just sit there and stare at each other on Skype. Haha